17 Feb The Problem with 50 Shades of Grey.
Why, hello people I love.
Before I continue writing, note that this blog is PG-13. I’m gonna talk about sex. So. Fair warning.
Picture this. You’re in the kitchen warming up supper and your husband comes home from work. He says hello, kisses you, and lays a plastic bag on the counter. In the plastic bag is book with a naked lady on the cover in a provocative pose. You get on Facebook, and you see he has liked the fan page of the book. You see that he has shared the book’s movie trailer on his page. You see that he is discussing with all his guy friends publicly who should be the actress portraying the naked girl on the book cover. He is discussing which lady in Hollywood is the hottest, has the biggest breasts and butt, prettiest face, etc. He is saying how he wishes the naked lady’s character was real. How “she” is so “fine”. How “she” turns him on. Picture that he logs off Facebook, gets in bed with you, turns on his lamp and starts reading this book- beside you. No shame. No hiding anything. Then he kisses you goodnight and goes to sleep without saying anything about any of that.
Imma tell you right now. If that ever happened to me, The Man would wake up by a punch to the throat and see that he doesn’t have any eyebrows left cause I had shaved them off in his sleep. Straight up! Some of ya’ll are thinking that’s violent and crazy and that I need Jesus. You. Are. Right.
That would be incredibly disrespectful. No sane woman wants to find out that her husband is fantasizing about someone else other than her. No sane woman wants to see that her husband is publicly putting it out there that anybody else but her is the most beautiful thing in the world (aside from his kids). It’s hurtful. It’s kills our confidence. It kills our trust. So why is it that, when the tables are turned, we act like it’s a completely different situation?
I wrote most of this blog some months ago after being completely baffled with how many believing women I knew were obsessed with 50 Shades. I can remember my social media networks being covered up by ladies sharing how excited they were about seeing who was going to portray Christian Grey in the movie, even debating who would be the “sexiest” guy. This ain’t the first time this kind of thing has happened.
I can remember when Twilight first came out. There were 40-year-old women lined up at the midnight premier with their “Team Edward” shirts on screaming with the 13-years-olds that had shirts on that said, “I wish I was Bella”. Then there was Magic Mike. Now, there is 50 Shades of Grey. We as ladies are living a double standard. We’re real quick to call men out for being pigs or dogs, but we somehow find these books and movies permissible- like they’re not as bad.
Here’s the problem with that. Actually, here’s a few problems.
1. It’s sin. Pointblank. Sin is sin and lust is a sin. We can roll our eyes all we want to because we feel like what we’re doing is not as bad as “other things”, but at the end of the day- we know the truth. Lust is a sin. Period.
2. It condones the world’s version of sex and ignores God’s version. The movies and books have a completely skewed version of how sex is supposed to work. If you turn on the TV tonight- even like on TeenNick or ABC Family, you will have a clear understanding of the world’s view of sex. “Sex is ok if protected.”, “Sex is OK if you’re ‘ready’.” , “Sex is for fun.”, “Sex is for everyone.”, “Sex is meant to be experimented with.”, “Sex can be with different people.”, “Sex is one of those things that ‘just happens’ (can’t control it).”, “It’s ‘just sex’.”
Here’s the thing. The church hasn’t done the most awesome job in explaining how sex is supposed to work. When I was a kid, all I knew is that if I got into the backseat of a car with a boy, I’d get pregnant. If I had sex, I’d die or I’d get pregnant. That was it. Then the world said the opposite thing to me. So if my two choices are have sex and die or have sex because it’s fun and liberating- I’m probably gonna pick the one where I don’t die and God doesn’t hate me and send me to hell.
Here’s the intention for sex. Sex was made for married people. Why ONLY married people? Because sex is an incredibly emotional thing God created. It is as close as you can get to someone. It bares everything- emotionally, physically, the whole nine. Whoever you give yourself to, you need to be able to trust with your whole heart. You can’t count on that with some guy you just met. You can’t count on that with your boyfriend , because he hasn’t committed himself fully to you yet. He hasn’t stood in front of you, God, and everyone else in your life shouting to the world that he will love, cherish, and honor you (and only you) all the days of his life by marrying you. God said sex is for married people, not to restrict you and get on your nerves, but to protect you. Sex is a gift for your spouse. God doesn’t want you wasting it. Sex also creates babies. I don’t know about you, but I want the father of my children to be someone I want to be around the rest of my life. Not just some guy who was cute at the time.
Now here’s what a lot of believers don’t understand or say. Sex is NOT a BAD thing. Not if it’s God’s way. I think one reason why Christian women get tripped up on these books and movies is because they think that the world’s version of sex is more fun. The truth is (sorry Mom) sex is made to be enjoyed! WITH YOUR SPOUSE. Even as a Christian woman (GASP!). We have been taught to be ashamed of sex. We’ve been taught that it’s dirty. That’s a lie. It’s just meant to be with you and your husband.
3. It affects the heart. The eyes connect to the mind and the mind connects to the heart. Guarding your eyes will protect your heart. When you allow your eyes to be open to things you know are probably wrong, you’ve allowed even bigger issues to make their way in to your heart. If I crack the door open for a stranger at my house, they can kick the door in regardless to how open I had the door. The only way they can’t kick it in is to close it and lock that junk up. Here’s the deal. We are a curious people. We are questioning people. When we see something that stimulates our minds, we want to know more. We want to see more. We want to feel more.
Take it back to high school or college. You have a huge crush. You just want him to ask you on a date. He asks you out. Yessss. Now, you just want him to hold your hand. He holds your hand. *Butterflies*. Now you just want him to kiss you. He kisses you. Fireworks. What happens after that? Most teenagers (even really smart and well behaved teenagers) start to struggle. What can I do without having sex but is more than what I’m doing? How can I justify it so I don’t feel shame once I mess up? That’s how Satan works. It’s rare he just throws meth in a completely sober kid’s face. He starts with something smaller like pot. It’s starts with a spark. And then our curiosity grows and we find ourselves in a place we never wanted to be. It starts with a book of wordly ideas, and then all the sudden- we’re not getting what we want from our husbands, so we become unhappy with them and our minds begin to wander.
4. It hurts our relationship with our husbands. Here’s the deal. When you said your vows, you promised you’d honor your husband. A lot of women take this to mean “make the husband the boss” or “submit to his every word”. “Honor” means much more than that. It means to love, respect, and lift up. One thing that bothers me immensely is when husbands and wives are negative about marriage. I remember some months ago, someone asked if I still like being married after 3 years. I said yes. They said,”Just give it a few more years.” I reject that mess. I will not speak it into my life. My husband is a gift! I choose to see him as a gift even when he works my nerves to the core! Even when I fall in the toilet! Even when he starts sleep talking! Even when he is a complete jerk! He is a gift! God had him in mind for me before I was ever born. He created him to be my teammate in this life and has been working on him before I even knew him. He is not a burden. It is time we stop treating our spouses like burdens and start treating them like the gifts that they are! It is time we quit talking about marriage like it’s a curse rather than a blessing! No wonder divorce numbers are sky high. We get mad and quit too dang easily! We forget this life isn’t just about (ME), it involves someone else. We get selfish and we just quit.
Honoring our husbands means encouraging them. Loving them. Praying for them. Being the wives God called us to be. We laugh about reading these books or watching these movies. We laugh about how hot these men (who by the way are degrading themselves and women) are. We laugh about all of this in front of our husbands and kids. And it sends a message that THEY ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. My marriage is not good enough. My sex life is not good enough. My husband is not good enough. That is straight from Satan himself. Not trying to get all preachy and “bapti-costal” on you, but it’s true. Satan wants to see marriages fail. And he’s done a great job at sending traps to married couples. The problem is, we’re not protecting ourselves. Satan can send traps, but he can’t make you fall for them. He can send the temptation, but he can’t make you DO anything. You have the decision. You can protect yourself or not.
“Now, wait a dang second,” you may be saying. “Who is this freckle faced, fuzzy headed little idiot to judge me! She hasn’t even read the dang book!!” You are right. I am fuzzy headed and I have never read the book. I have also never set myself on fire before. You don’t always have to experience something yourself to know it’s a bad idea. I don’t have to watch it or read it to know it’s not good for my heart or my relationship with God.
Also, I want to be super clear. I’m not saying what I’m saying out of judgement or condemnation or legalism. I’m saying what I’m saying out of concern, love, and honesty. I’m saying what I’m saying because there is a God that loves and values you and wants the very best for you. You may be into 50 shades and you’re a woman who is really struggling with your marriage. Maybe you’re a woman who isn’t struggling at all and just finds it as pure entertainment. You may be a 16 year-old girl who is just curious as to what it’s all about. I get it. Not everything is black or white. There are “grey” areas. But I’ll tell you this. No matter what stance you have, the 50 shades “love” story isn’t anywhere as incredible as the love story that God wrote for you.
So here is my encouragement and challenge to you. I challenge you to reject the world’s definition of marriage and to accept God’s. I challenge you to reject the world’s definition of sex, and to accept God’s. I challenge you to reject that marriage is a burden and treat it as a gift. I challenge you to encourage your husband. To pray for him. To turn every aspect of your marriage to God, not just the parts you want to. And I challenge you to share this.
Poopoo on you, Christian Grey. Jeremy Landers is the finest, sweetest, most wonderful man on the earth and I reject anything that says other wise.
Imma go kiss my husband now, ya’ll.
UPDATE: For my follow-up blog to this one, click here. Thanks for reading!